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How do you enforce civilized discourse?

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Communities are special in that we intentionally try to foster a sense of belongings and togetherness.  That usually also usually implies a standard to engage in civilized discourse.  

How do you encourage - or enforce - civilized discourse among members? 

When I think about the onboarding process of most communities, they're remarkably bad about letting you know about expectations. They either offer instant sign on where you totally bypass anything*, or you're presented with a wall of legalese terms .  If you're lucky, you get a forcefully cheery email that explains where the Introduction board is.  

Why don't we have friendly, custom reminders before you post with some simple guidelines? 

How do we provide behavioral nudges, not punitive slapdowns, for members to be thoughtful before posting?

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Those people who join communities are not completely knew to online communities, they have been on multiple sites, including social media platforms and online communities, before they sign up. Therefore, I expect people to have some etiquette when they sign up. So., OI do not enforce anything during the sign up process. However, I always have guidelines on the top of the page so that those who want to know more can always check these topics.

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With the popularity of social media platforms, I think a lot of people are already aware about how they should be communicating online. Most people already know trolling is unwanted, hate speech is not tolerated, racism is not allowed and other important rules for online discourse. If you want to have a civilized discourse, you need to invite people who are tolerant and are good with online communication.

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